3 Main Soft Skills a Tech Lead Needs to Develop
Become a great Tech Lead by focusing on these 3 main soft skills!
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Let’s get back to this week’s thought!
Intro
As engineers, we often want to dive headfirst into technologies. But time and time again, I’ve found that the real challenges aren’t in tech, they’re in:
collaboration,
communication, and
overall culture.
Conway's Law is very real, which states that the structure of the software mirrors the communication structure of the organization.
This is especially important to understand for Tech Leads, who are leading various projects.
The better they are in collaboration, communication and overall soft skills, the better the software will be produced as well.
In today’s newsletter article, I am happy to team up with Anemari Fiser.
Anemari is a former Tech Lead turned Coach, who especially focuses on helping Tech Leads to thrive in their roles.
She is sharing 3 main soft skills a Tech Lead needs to develop based on her broad experience in the engineering industry.
Anemari, over to you!
Why you need soft skills as a Tech Lead
As a former Tech Lead at ThoughtWorks and having coached over 200 Tech Leads in the past three years, I’ve noticed a common misconception: most Tech Leads believe technical skills are all they need.
I thought so too, until I stepped into the role and realized that the biggest challenges weren’t technical but people-focused like managing time, resolving conflicts, and growing individuals.
For example, I once dealt with two developers arguing over a JSON library. My instinct was to dive into the technical options, but digging deeper revealed the real issue: a recurring personal conflict.
By addressing their relationship instead of the library, I resolved the immediate issue and improved their collaboration.
Another time, our team wasn’t tackling tech debt despite having the skills and buy-in.
The real problem? A lack of ownership. Instead of taking over myself, I empowered a senior developer to lead, building their confidence and creating a sustainable solution.
Through these experiences, I’ve learned that:
Most tech problems are people problems.
Solving them requires soft skills, not more technical expertise.
Let’s go straight to the first one!
1. Active listening
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand, they listen with the intent to reply.
This quote from Stephen R. Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People resonates deeply with me.
When I look back at my early days, every time someone would come to me with a problem or story, I’d often catch myself thinking, “Oh, me too!” or “Let me tell you how I fixed that.”
The problem? The moment I shifted the focus to me, I stopped truly listening. I was just waiting for my turn to talk, not giving the other person the attention they deserved.
Learning to be a better listener has been one of my biggest personal growth areas. It’s not something that just happens - it takes intentional effort and practice. But like any skill, it can be improved with the right mindset and approach.
Here are my key strategies that will help you become a better listener:
Focus on the speaker
One of the simplest yet most powerful shifts is making the conversation about them, not you. To remind myself of this, I have a Post-it on my monitor that says, “This is not about me.”
When I started working remotely, I found distractions harder to manage. Now, I use:
“Do Not Disturb” during calls
switch to full-screen mode
keep a notebook handy to jot down thoughts that might pull me away from the conversation. Even when my mind drifts (which happens to all of us!), I’ve learned to gently bring my focus back.
Learn to stay silent
If you want to listen more you have to learn how to talk less!
Early in my career, I felt as a Tech Lead I needed to fill every silence or always have the final say. This stifled my team because they weren’t getting the space to share their ideas.
Default to mute during meetings to avoid interrupting
To fix this, I started defaulting to mute during meetings. One time, I forgot I was muted and kept talking while the team carried on without me. I was surprised to see them handling the discussion just fine! That moment taught me to trust my team more and step back.
Embrace awkward silences. Use the “count to 39” trick
Another trick that worked wonders: counting to 39 in my head during silences. If no one speaks by then (though someone almost always does), I step in. This simple strategy gave my team the chance to take ownership while breaking my habit of jumping in too quickly.
Reflect and get feedback
Reflection has been a game-changer. After key meetings, like 1-1s or feedback sessions, I set aside 15 minutes to reflect on questions like:
How well did I listen (1-10)?
Where did I drift off, and why?
How often did I interrupt?
Feedback from others is equally important. I’ve learned a lot by asking questions like:
“What’s one thing I could do to make you feel more heard?”
“How effectively do you think I handle conversations when we disagree?”
Remember:
You aren’t born a great listener, you become one.
2. Building strong relationships
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